As always, this will be filled with spoilers, and if you haven't finished this game then I do not recommend reading further. This is not a review post, but simply a summary of the game, and how I felt while playing it.
I'm not even sure where to start, but I'll try at the beginning. You're introduced to Sarah, a young girl with cropped blonde hair, sleeping on the couch in a quiet home. We quickly find out this is Joel's, the main character, daughter. Immediately the opening sequence grasps you in this little world, and you are warmed by the relationship Joel has with his daughter. After the quick cutscene in which Sarah is taken to bed by Joel, she is woken up by the phone. Her Uncle Tommy is on the other line, sounding frantic; terrified. I start to feel panicked.
Sarah pulls herself out of bed and starts looking for her father. She holds arms close to herself, shuffling tiredly along wondering aloud where her dad is. She calls for him as you walk down the hall towards his bedroom, where a TV is flickering from within. While playing this, I felt scared. I was already attached to Sarah. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and I almost didn't want to enter the bedroom. Reluctantly, I pushed myself inside to find that Joel was not there, but the TV was playing the news.
Sirens are blaring outside, but I don't want to think about them as I listen to the TV. A woman is standing outside of a burning hospital, when suddenly it explodes. I look out the window to see it happen, not too far from our house. Sarah wonders what's happening, and I want to make her run; make her leave, but she still sleepily shuffles along, though her voice is now scared - panicked. I head downstairs, and we find Joel's phone. Missed calls from Tommy, missed messages, and still no Joel. We walk towards Joel's den, and he suddenly comes running in, covered in blood and a gun in his hand.
I'm scared, but I can feel my grip get stronger on my controller. Suddenly the neighbour barges in, growling and snarling - Joel hesitates before he pulls the trigger. Sarah sounds like she's going to be sick, and tells her father, "I saw him this mornin'." Joel quickly ushers me out as Tommy arrives, and we leave in the truck.
For a moment, I'm realizing what's going on. The world is about to go to shit, and I'm this little girl watching it happen. We drive by a family, and even though I understand why we drive by, I wonder if Sarah fully comprehends it or not. By the time we get to the hospital, we need to turn around and drive a different way, but are corralled by people running frantically... By the time we get past them, we're t-boned. I let out a yelp of surprise, although I should have seen it coming.
I'm Joel now. I managed to get free of the flipped truck. There's no Tommy, but Sarah is in the back seat. Joel manages to get his daughter out, but as she goes to stand she limps, and I feel a sinking feeling. Her leg is broken, but Joel wastes no time in cradling his daughter against him after Tommy quickly covers us. We have to run now - people are screaming and attacking each other, and everything is utter chaos. My heart is pounding. A gas station explodes next to us, and all I hear is, "Those people are on fire." I just want to shield Sarah, my daughter, away from this.
"We're gonna get outta this. I promise."
Joel's panicked comforting to his daughter hurts me a little. The further I run with Tommy, clutching Sarah to me, the more terrified I get. We get through a back alley and lock ourselves into a pub. Tommy said he'll catch up with us; the bridge is just ahead and we can make it if we run. I tell Tommy we'll see him on the other side, and I run with Sarah. I can hear feral snarls and footsteps, but I can see the lights. I run down the dirt path and past another infected, up the hill where I am stopped by militia. A single man with a rifle.
Don't shoot, is all I'm thinking. I need to save Sarah.
The man radios in, explaining he's found us. We can't hear the other voice, but I grip my controller tighter as he says, "But sir, there's a little girl--"
He raises his gun, and I put a hand to my mouth as Joel turns away and drops Sarah, and we fall. I watch the cutscene, angry that I can't do anything - but am thankful when Tommy arrives. We look over to Sarah, and my heart sinks. Joel rushes over to her, softly holding his daughter in his arms as he carefully presses on the bullet wound in her midsection. Sarah is crying, gurgling and hurt. Her whimpering is so real and so painful, that my stomach churns and I feel my eyes burn. As Joel goes to lift her, her little shuddering breath makes my throat close; my throat closes now, just thinking about it.
Joel starts to cry, and I cry with him.
It cuts to news reports, chattering about the cordyceps and the Fireflies, but I'm barely listening. I had been playing the game for all of fifteen minutes, and I was a near emotional wreck, drying my eyes and trying to clear my throat. In fifteen minutes, Naughty Dog managed to make me feel scared and protective of this little girl that I couldn't even save. I am now scared to play the rest of the game.
The game skips forward twenty years, and I'm in a quarantine zone. I meet Tess; my partner, maybe more. I don't know, but I feel attached to her again. She's strong and doesn't give two shits about what's going on, just as long as she gets paid. She reminds me a lot of the characters I make, and I feel comfortable with her. She can hold her own, but part of me still feels weary, nervous.
...I'm realizing that I'm writing about everything, so I'll try to summarize more important parts, or give a basic synopsis of my feelings.
We meet Ellie, and Marlene tells us we need to get her to the Fireflies just outside of the zone. I look at her. She's feisty for a kid, and I love it. I know that this is the girl I need to get to the end. This is the girl I need to protect, and do whatever I need to in order to get her to the end in one piece. As I travel with Ellie, I hide my own smile at Joel's indignation towards her. He's closed off, and I know why - I get it, but Ellie is like a wildfire next to an iceberg, and I know she's going to get to him soon. I know she's going to help Joel, even if he doesn't want to be helped.
As the game goes on, I find myself getting more vicious and cutthroat. Ellie is the only thing that matters. I will kill anyone who tries to get in the way of that. If I made mistakes, I went back to make sure I didn't have to see her get hurt in any way. If I was struggling for life, I would still run at the person or the thing holding her down, just to make sure that at least she could live. I couldn't save Sarah, but I have to save Ellie. That's all I know.
In Winter, when I had to play as Ellie, I was constantly terrified. I had to survive; I had to show Joel that I wasn't just a little girl but someone who wanted to get to the very end, too. When she stands up to David, I feel proud of Ellie.
"Ellie. You can tell them Ellie is the name of the little girl... who broke your fucking finger."
But in the restaurant, when David is holding her down, I am angry. I am Joel again, and I will do anything I fucking must to beat the crap out of the asshole hurting my little girl...but I don't have to, because she takes care of it herself. And I realize that Ellie is ready to do whatever she must, too. I cry a little when she cries, and all I think about is "I'm almost there. We're almost there."
At the end, I wake up in a bed. Marlene is disheveled, tired. I ask to see Ellie, but they won't let me. Marlene explains the surgery is going to happen, and that it's going to kill her. There's a fire in me. I spent sixteen hours protecting Ellie - there was no way in fucking hell this asshole was going to take that from me. Joel agrees to leave... but as he is escorted out, he makes a clear point when he shoots the Firefly twice in the gut - he's not leaving without her. My adrenaline is rushing as I take my things and I start fighting through the Fireflies. I'm tired, low on ammo, health and supplies, but I have to get to her. I have to save my little girl. I kill and sneak past, assassinate and blow up the Fireflies on my way to the operating room. I see the light. I hear the voices.
I break in and the lead surgeon holds his hands up, the other two back away. I notice that I'm breathing heavily and my hands are a little clammy. I'm pointing my gun at the surgeon as I walk forward, but as I go to lower it, I don't feel too surprised when Joel slams the scalpel into the surgeon's jugular. All I want to do is get out with Ellie and go back to Tommy's and live a life. He whispers to her unconscious body as he leaves with her. We're almost there, baby girl.
I see the elevator, and when I make it in, I know I'm going to be okay. We're going to be okay. Ellie is going to be okay.
As the game wraps up, I give myself a moment to sit and watch. I don't realize I had been crying through parts of the end, and that my heart is pounding so hard it hurts. A part of me struggles with the end, but through the time that I've had to think about it, I've come to accept it as Ellie did. They would do anything for each other - just the two of them. Joel and Ellie would fight through hoardes of clickers just to make sure the other lived. And now, I am satisfied with that - a few weeks ago, I was unsure of Joel's completely human response to her question. Now, it's okay. Now, I understand. I see that at the end of the day, they will truly be The Last Of Us.
Endure & Survive.
No comments:
Post a Comment